


The Friendzone

by TheOneWhoWanders



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 11:01:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7712416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOneWhoWanders/pseuds/TheOneWhoWanders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is not how Kima expected this to go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Friendzone

**Author's Note:**

> Grog and Kima have always reminded me of Kirsch and Danny in Carmilla so this is heavily inspired by them.

_Oh crap. Here he comes_

 

“Hey Kima!”

 

_Damn it._

 

“Kima! Kima! Wait up!”

 

“Hey Grog”

 

_He’s bouncing around like an excited puppy. At least he’s not humping my leg. Yet._

 

“Hey Kima, so I was wandering if you and I could, um. . .I don’t know. . .like. . . hangout or like . . . .train together or something?"

 

_Ugh. Ok. I need to find some way to let this guy down gently. He’s such an innocently clueless guy. I should just tell him he’s got no chance now and get it over with. I honestly don’t know how he hasn’t figured out that he’s not exactly my type yet. Well no, I do. Loveable though he may be, bright he is not._

 

“Look Grog, You’re a nice guy, but this isn’t a thing.”

 

_Now he’s a confused puppy. Shit I’m going to have to spell this out._

 

“Um, you know me and Ally are together right?”

 

_Nope, still no lights on up there._

 

“As in, Ally is my girlfriend. More than friends kind of girlfriend.”

 

_Okay. Now there might be some understanding._

 

“Yeah you two go way back. You must be close.”

 

_Nope. I was mistaken._

 

“We’re fucking Grog! We’re those kind of girlfriends”

 

_There we go. Probably could have been more tactful though._

 

“You’re a great guy Grog but you and I are never going to be a thing. You’re such an amazing warrior and I’m proud to call you my friend but that’s all that this will ever be”

 

“Wait. Did you just friendzone me?”

 

_Seriously?_

 

“Grog you’re just really not my type. I mean for one, you’ve got a dick. . .”

 

“Yeah, but you just friendzoned me”

 

“Look I’m sorry that your manhood can’t handle. . .”

 

“That. Is. AWESOME!”

 

_Wait, what?_

 

“I’m in the friendzone! All the way in the friendzone! I’m in the friendzone!”

 

 _I_ _s he doing a fucking celebratory dance? This is not how I thought this was going._

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“You just said I was your friend! That’s awesome! I mean obviously I would like more so if you ever change your mind about that whole ‘no dicks’ rule let me know but I am so stoked that you think we’re friends”

 

“You are?”

 

“Yeah! You’re the biggest badass here, after me of course, and my buddy Pike always says that the more friends you have the stronger you are. So like, if you’re my friend I figure that makes me super strong.”

 

“Pike has always been a voice of reason”

 

“So if we’re friends do you wanna beat the shit out of each other? I mean that’s only if you think you can handle it of course.”

 

“Oh the only one getting beat up is you buddy”

 

“Yeah good luck with that”

 

“Oh it is ON big man”

 

_You know what. I don’t know what I was worried about. This whole thing couldn’t have gone better._


End file.
